The memory of his fingers in her hair, makes her shiver. He was always playing with her hair, toying with the ends, messing with it over her ears, running his fingers through it. She misses that kind of touch.
Its intimate, quiet. Not something that someone would do on a first date. And most people don’t get past the first date.
She doesn’t like them enough to try for a second date.
“We’ll be all right,” he whispers in her ear as they lie on the floor, tangled in each other.
Diana knows it’s not true, but for once she lets herself believe it.
Diana wonders what she looks like to David. Is she a monster that put on a mask to pretend to be a girlfriend? Did she lead him on? She never lied to him, but by dating him, did she give him the impression she would say yes?
Was it the word or the action that go to him?
How can one word mean such different things to them?
All he had to do was kiss the hollow of her neck, and she’d melt.
For someone who insisted she saw enough guts and blood in her line of work, Diana was weirdly into horror films. When David asked her about it, she explained that it was because really stupid people were walking into danger and getting killed for it.
Plus, fake blood and guts were kind of funny when you’d seen the real thing.
And when the movie was good, and she could actually feel her pulse in her throat and her breathing became shallow, her sweaty palms could always find David’s and she would hold on to him and grin.
The first time Diana asked her dad what he thought of David, all he did was grunt. The second time, he said “He’s too skinny.”
Diana had replied, “For what?”
She waited another year before asking again.
“If he makes you happy, then I suppose he’s fine.”
After they broke up it was “How unfortunate, he was a good man.”
Its a good thing she never really cared what her dad said about her life.
Diana waits for him to talk in the morning. Its like David’s forgotten that anything happened. He gets up, stretches, goes into the bathroom while Diana lies still in the bed, staring after him. He reappears and looks at her.
“Morning,” he says quietly.
“Morning.”
They search each other’s faces, looking for some sign as to what’s going to happen next. Diana breaks the silence first.
“I want to stay together.”
David pauses, frowns. He looks away from her. Finally, carefully, he says “We can try.”
David plunges down onto the couch, on top of her. His lips meet hers, harsh. His teeth find her lips, biting down as her fingers tangle in his shirt, pushing him hard, back away from her. They stare at one another for a long moment. He’s so angry at her.
And she’s angry at him.
She’s on top of him now, grabbing his shirt, straddling him, as their lips meet again, trying to devour one another. Her hands go for his jeans as he grabs at her breast. Gasping as he sinks his teeth into her neck. Soothes, momentarily with his tongue, and then bites again.
Then he’s pushing her up and off him, shoving them into the wall. She rakes her nails down his back.
His jeans come off, haphazard, bunching around his knees. His hand is around her wrist, squeezing, grinding bones against each other. She hisses, teeth clicking together just under his ear.
They dissolve, ending up on to the floor, where he pins her beneath him, claiming her, making her his.
But that was never the problem.
Diana grows breasts overnight, or so it seems. One moment she was flat, the next she was wearing bras and getting looks. And she felt the looks – especially in chess club. Suddenly everyone wants her.
When Billy Anderson tries to kiss her after they get out one day, she punches him. “I’ll tell you when I want you touching me!” she yells after his retreating back. David stares at her.
“You got a problem?”
“No,” David said, but there’s something disappointed about his expression.
“What? You think I’m not girly enough or some crap?”
“No, I was just thinking that you’re right. If you wanted someone to touch you, you’d ask them to do it.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets and walks away.
Diana feels her heart sinking in her throat as she watches him go.
“What?”
A longer pause.
“David, it’s not that I don’t love you,” Diana holds out her hands towards him.
He closes the velvet box and stuffs it in his pocket. “Just not enough to marry me.”
“I can’t marry anyone, you know that.”
“No, no, its fine.”
“David,” she grabs his arm.
“I have to go.”
“David—“
The door slams.
